Attention

Wow. Two posts in one night. Am I bored, or am I bored? Probably both.

So, on to this entry's topic. ATTENTION.

I am not GOOD with getting attention, unless I am pretty sure that I know what I'm doing or that I know I won't mess up. I am NOT good at all these unexpected wall posts and text messages about me leaving. Srsly? WHY?

I'm sorry. For someone who has been hated by most of the people around me (not that I care or anything)... This is quite surprising.

I am not everybody's friend. I am not someone that people will talk about and say, "Remember when Rachel..." or "I really miss Rachel...", etc. etc. I'm just not THAT person.

However, I AM the person that people will probably brand as "that arrogant bitch" or my personal favorite: "that crazy-ass weirdo".

I admit it. I'm not the most likable person on the planet. I have my short-comings. It is true that I can be arrogant, selfish, weird and even crazy.

But I am more than grateful to those who see through that.

And it means so much to me, so much that it stimulates my lacrimal glands to produce that liquid discharge to cleanse the eyes (also known as tears).

So all this attention... All this worry and sadness about me leaving... I'm not afraid to say that I'm just not used to it. And you can't blame me if I question all the sentiments if they're actually sincere, even if there's just traces of doubt here and there.

But I will not dwell. We will see.

Lastly... As I write this, I realize that I'm not even ready to say goodbye yet. Not to anyone.

-rashiyu

P.S. I'D LIKE TO STRESS THAT I'M REALLY NOT SURE IF I WILL LEAVE THIS JUNE. OK? COMPRENDE??? Chill dudes.