Let me be SAD.

I just want to be SAD. I want to WALLOW in my sorrow. Drown in my nightmares. Submit to all my failures.


Just let me be sad. Just let me suffer.


I need this. I need to be alone.  I need to not know what to do. I need to know that I still FEEL. I need to feel, and have tears, and all that crap. I need to write about being sad, about my grief... 


And I want to feel my anger. I want to embrace it. I welcome it. I welcome all of the frustrations that I've ignored thus far. I welcome all the disappointments and failures. I welcome my mistakes, my regrets, my stupidity. I welcome everything. 


But. I hate. I loathe. I abhor. You. This is your fault.


You disgust me. You EXPLOITED my very weakness. You TOOK ADVANTAGE of me. Of who I am. Of what I am. And I don't even fully know who I am exactly. I don't know.


I just don't know...


I just want to be sad. Let me be sad. 


Leave me alone.


I don't need your help.


I can do this on my own.


Let me be sad.