Grew Up Faster

I'm back in my hometown, and I have to say... I'm freaked out.


Well, my Dad is here. Which is new. I'm glad he's here and everything, and it's great to have at least one parent in the house to keep everything in order, but honestly, I feel like I'm on house arrest.


Earlier tonight my friends (which are all guys by the way), were outside our house. The usual, just talking, making jokes and chilling... Until my Dad walked out and told me to get back inside. Inside my mind, I was like "What the heeeell???" 


But it was my fault, he'd asked me to do something and I sorta detoured out of the house to talk to the guys (haven't seen 'em in awhile). Still. He told me that I shouldn't be hanging out with them because I'm the only girl. 


That never bothered me before. And it won't. Ever. Hahahaha. Whenever the dudes talk about dude stuff, they all say "Don't worry, Rachel's a guy" -- which is true, in a sense (minus my bi-tendencies). I'm actually more than a guy than a gal. So yeah. Having dudes as friends has never bothered me! 


But with my Dad here... Well, it's such a big deal to him, I guess. I understand. I AM the only girl out of the five of us (yes, I have four brothers, do the math). But I'm also the most independent.


The story is that I had to grow up faster than most kids. 


I had to learn to rely on myself, to do things by myself, to not ask for help even if I needed it because I had no choice. My parents were absent for almost half of my childhood. I'll save you the sob story. Long story short -- I'm more of a guy because of that independence (and really, having 4 brothers? The guy-ness is practically everywhere). Which is why I hate it when people treat me like I'm some girly-girl kid who can't do anything. 


HELLO?? I've had to do most of everything without anybody breathing dis/approval on my neck. And I've made it for 17 years and a few months without all this extra protection (no, not condoms). 


It sorta feels like my Dad is making up for the lost time he hadn't spent with me when I was a kid. Oh well. Might as well indulge him...


Which kinda sucks because that means no spontaneous outings and no late-night hangouts with the gang. Gah. 


I feel like a kid.


-rashiyu