Have you ever had a FRIEND that is so strong...so in control... and so seemingly powerful that when you see them break down... they just fall down brick by brick. And you can't do anything about it. But watch them. Hear their pain. Wipe their tears. Hug them until they feel that at least something they hold stays together.
And you want to be able to stay together, to be strong for them, to be the pillar of strength that will hold them still because they can't do it alone and they can't do it anymore and they JUST CAN'T hold themselves together...
But you can't. You can't because you want to cry with them. You want to feel their pain, to share their pain, and to go down the deep waves of their despair and to stay with them... Because it's too painful to watch them being crippled down and they're trying so hard to get up but they can't. You see them try so hard to look OK and to smile as if nothing's wrong but you know they're just so good at hiding all of it. All of it. And it hurts even more.
And I don't know but... I just feel so guilty about not being able to protect her from all this. From guys who have dicks for heads and stones for hearts.
From the stupid pain.
I wish I could have protected her. But I know it's not in my power. I couldn't have done anything. She chose this, and I let her. I shouldn't feel this way. I shouldn't feel guilty.
But I can't help it.
When she bleeds, I bleed.
- We're not bestfriends but I won't get tired of putting up with her, either.
-rashiyu
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